113- Art : from art, to art therapy (2) - 2004-2007

The ongoing series of art related posts continues with this travel through time. 

If you want to read about the beginning of this series, read posts 

111 & 112



I present some old art pieces I made many years ago - 


as early as 2004 for this very first and rare digital art made on msn messenger when it still existed and had a drawing tool. 
It's just a Christmas tree I drew with a friend I had in that period and who has helped me become a better person and for which I shall always be thankful in spite of having lost touch a few years alter. 

Our joint project was pretty and had no therapeutic aspect, but as you shall see, was already showing one of my biggest art subjects : nature. 







I made a few other digital art projects alone or with other friends, but didn't always have access to save my work and I have no files of value to share for any of them.

My lack of time and self confidence shows in the delays between art projects. After 2004 to early 2005 during which I made very few pieces, I took a big hiatus - until 2007, my most regular year to date. 

Indeed, in January (13 & 24th) alone, I produced 6 watercolor paintings with more natural subjects - from the flame that I watched and tried to present with its variations to an invented butterfly (I don't know of any remotely looks like it but I don't know all the myriads that exist). 

I even tried my hand at abstract (one I don't tend to understand when others make it... not very often, at least)

Then, I made-up a hybrid fruit - with this apple/prune duality 












And subsequently, an attempt with an eye - I know they are very hard for many artists

I cannot recall what I felt, except for some amusement with my more abstract paintings, and some frustration with my inability to show what I imagined in my mind - my talents were those of an absolute beginner whose only art before were very rare projects made with tracing paper for my siblings in the 1980-90's. 

Indeed, as a child, I wasn't allowed to make any art - you know by now that my father was a strict religious cult leader. He only allowed me to make things for my siblings, but not for myself. 

I wasn't allowed to play any musical instrument, either. 

So, my talents have been stifled and constant depersonalization and belittling, as well as abuse have all resulted in severe self-esteem issues and lack of patience in making anything. 

Most of those projets from 2007 - above for January or below for subsequent months - required only moments, or up to a couple hours of work. That won't change until 2016... 

But, before I get there, let's finish with 2007 : 

This one was the first time-split project. I started it in January, and finished in March- and also has the particularity of subject being a piece of clothing, in this case a shirt, on which you notice the ever presence of nature...

Then, on May 16th I had an artistic frenzy - I made all these additional 4 watercolor paintings here - including still life of Corn flowers, as well as my most beloved Rose bud - which happens to be my personal favorite and highest achievement of that period and which I later used as printed postal cards. 

 Another abstract I called shades and currents of the heart 

and, last painting of 2007 - which can be viewed as a cubist representation, since I totally missed the perspective for representing this bed...  


This painting was inspired by one of my favorite songs, which is about the tragic deaths of children because of wars...

I consider this as an on-going project, as my talents from 2007 to present day (2016) haven't been enough to show what I truly envision, but I hope to get there, one day... 

A few days ago, I made a sketch of a new approach to the same idea - but I missed so badly my figure that I feel I cannot share it, anywhere... It's probably going to take me many months of practice before I can show you what it will be. 

At the end of 2007, I tried my hand with clay sculpting - a gift for that same friend I mentioned earlier. I used a photo of her dog to make this miniature.

First pic is the clay sculpture, and then  finished and painted. 

This was the most time consuming project, but for a close friend, I pushed through a lot more than I ever had done for myself. This is related to the fact that I wasn't allowed to make anything for ''my ego'' but for siblings. It became part of who I was : I am capable of extended efforts when I make things for others, and I need to learn to allow myself the same amounts (at least) - not out of vanity or ego, but for self-care, self-expression and self-worth. 

I hope you enjoyed this small trip in my past art, prior to having any therapeutic goal - though I can say that making art has positive effects of self-expression, and boosting ever so slightly my self-confidence, something I always need. 

I learned to improve my technique and that can always be used later in any other project, to further better my skills. 

2007 was, with no doubt,  the most artistic year as I also made a lot of photographic trips additionally to my paintings and first clay sculpture project - which I can tell you does ressemble the real one but I cannot in all good conscience share a photo to show that because I am no longer in touch with the friend for whom this gift was made - but that's part of life, losing touch and evolving in different directions. 

I do think that it is my right to show you my own art, though. 

In my next installment, I'll bring you closer to 2016... stay tuned.